I was chatting with a client recently who was a little frustrated that despite his best endeavours in encouraging and listening to his team found they still weren’t “picking up the gauntlet and running with it”. On hearing this I admit I was a little surprised. Here was an energetic guy, passionate about the business and his department; a guy who seemed to work collaboratively, who like to do things right – and for his team to do things right, a guy who wanted him and his team to ‘win’.

I was pleased when he invited me to observe one of his team meetings as I was curious to learn how this ‘misalignment’ could happen.

 

Within a few minutes I could see what was happening. Phil came across as the passionate, enthusiastic leader that is him…….. BUT….

And that was just it, there was almost always a ‘but’.

So when one of the team floated an idea or a suggestion Phil would say something like “That’s a great idea, but it might work better if you….” And then he would suggest a different way of tackling things.  While some of the team members persevered in putting their comments and suggestions on the table to the meeting I could see and hear that some of their natural impetus and energy for the suggestion was seeping away…. as a result of those ‘Buts’.

 

So whilst Phil has tried to improve on the ideas presented, he had in reality reduced the team members enthusiasm and commitment to it – so whilst he may have improved the idea by say 5%, he’d reduced the commitment to it by say 30%. My suggestion to Phil was that maybe some of those ideas would work very well without his suggestions and he could try shutting up! Or, if he couldn’t stop himself adding to the idea, then change the ‘But’ to an ‘AND’.

 

Leaders let other people be winners and do not focus on winning themselves. Leaders encourage their people by showing them they can win, they also enable others to act - not by hoarding the power they have but by giving it away. So if you’re tempted to say “That’s a great idea, but….” Then try stopping before the ‘but’ and check whether what you’re about to say will add to their enthusiasm and commitment ….. or drain it.

 

Your Challenge.....

 

Do a self check – how many ‘buts’ do you use?

When you start to notice how many, exchange these for ‘and’ …..and notice the difference this makes….. and write and tell us. We’d love to hear your stories.